I've decided to make some changes with the blog.
Things that will change:
The name (Thick Fit Mom)
There will be more consistency with posting
You'll see more food and fitness posts than before
Things that won't change:
There will still be non food/fitness posts
There will still be reviews, opinions and observations
Much of my life, and I'm sure many of your lives, is spent trying to work out what healthy really means to me. Is it how I feel? How I look? Do I base it off of a chart in the doctor's office? Then, if I'm fortunate enough to figure it out, how do I sustain that with my busy life. I don't want to feel crippling guilt when I have to decide between everyone gets to bed on time and we eat takeout or I cook and we're extra tired tomorrow. I also don't want that situation to be an every day thing. I could talk about my reasons for the changes until I'm blue in the face and you're ready to set your electronic device on fire instead of reading another word, but I think this post recovered from my blog explains it better than I ever could. I hope you stick around and see what's coming :-)
Originally published May 24, 2017 on stylefam.com
They're always listening. Your babies, I mean.
In the back of our minds we know this, it's why we whisper and spell and mouth certain words to our friends while the kids are nearby. The thing is, they aren't just listening to us when we're talking about your scandalous coworker that you can't believe hasn't been fired yet ("Did you hear she came to work...(glances at kids playing)....inebriated?"); they're also listening when you're on the phone with your BFF talking about how you can't wear that bodycon dress without a girdle because your "baby belly" is now just your belly (Girl, I'd have to do a thousand sit ups before I could even think about wearing that!)
I consider myself body positive. You can be gorgeous at any size and don't let anyone's old, outmoded fashion "rules" tell you what you can and cannot wear. If you love it, you should wear it (As long as it isn't indecent. Please don't tell someone that you read my blog and decided that you should wear those pasties to the water park because you love them). That's not what this is about though. I have made it a point over the years to try not to talk to my daughter about my dieting or weight loss efforts, I don't want her to develop unhealthy body views or have a damaged relationship with food. I suppose I should have watched the talking around her as well.
I love my curves and I think the term thick-fit is the best thing I've come across on Instagram. The key word in that is "fit", though. I'm currently the unhealthiest I've ever been. I weigh more than I ever have before and I'm the least active I've ever been. It's been a rough couple of years and depression and other health issues have stolen so much of my motivation. I've decided I want to fix this though. I need to fix this. I don't want to live this way, or worse, die this way.
What's that got to do with my baby being a giant sponge with ears? Well, a couple of weeks ago I was joking with (aka begging) my mother, who is a dressmaker and designer, about a dress I want her to make me. She was declining to make said dress when I said, "How much weight do I need to lose for you to make me that dress? What size do I need to get down to? You tell me and I'll do it." I said it because I need a goal and because she desperately wants me to get healthy also and I knew that she would get on board with giving me a goal. We set a dress size goal and laughed and the conversation was over. M was in the room and I didn't think anything of it.
A week later, we're in the car and my skinny little 7 year old tells me she needs to lose weight. She says she doesn't like her tummy. It sticks out and she needs to lose it. I started to silently panic. What have I done? What has she seen and heard over the years to make her even think about this? Have I caused my daughter to have body issues? Crap.
I told her, unequivocally, no. There will be no weight loss for her. She counters with, but you're trying to lose weight. I come back with, weight isn't important, health is. I told her that as long as she eats healthy and stays active (with treats and junk food in moderation occasionally) then she should never worry about her weight or how her tummy is shaped. I explained that all I want is to be healthy and I should probably stop saying that I want to lose weight.
We talked for a while until, as often happens, a Shawn Mendes song on the radio caused her to drop the subject in favor of a bit of car karaoke (I love that boy's angsty lyrics and delivery too).
The next time we talk, because I want there to be a next time, I want to make sure she knows that I'm not dieting, I'm making diet changes. I'm not exercising to lose weight, I'm making lifestyle changes. I want her to know that the best thing we can do is be healthy, together. I need her to know that dress size is not an indicator or health. I'm also going to stop talking about losing weight and start talking about getting healthy. That should really be all of our ultimate goal anyway.
Has anyone else had to deal with this with their kids? What did you say, or not say?
Healthily yours, -E